by Michael Lee on July 15, 2016, in Heart • No Comments
Ok, so I’m jealous. Not just jealous in a cute and fuzzy kind of way but jealous in a mental, deranged and psychopathic kind of way. It’s actually frightening and rather disturbing as to how jealous I can get. I am damaged and the thing is; no matter how hard I try, I still feel the anxiety slowly crushing and collapsing into my chest.
It’s mentally draining and physically exhausting having the paused vision of my boyfriend being happy with somebody else etched into my mind. I try to hush the voices in my head but they just screech and scream extra loud telling me I’m not good enough for him.
I literally cannot stand the fact that my boyfriend has had a past before me; in fact it drives me utterly insane. The thought of my beloved kissing the lips of another that aren’t mine, wrapping his arms around the beating chest of somebody else who is not me, just the mere thought of this makes me want to rip out my still beating heart and throw it on the cold paved floor under me. Just because that’s how it feels, it’s like I have had the oxygen ripped out from my lungs and I am slowly choking and suffocating on my jealously.
I want to kill my boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend. He was the one that took my boyfriend’s virginity, so I want to take out his vocal chords and rip out his throat. His final gasp of air literally in my palm of my hands as his blood drips through my fingers.
He was his first true love as I wallow in the shadows of self-pity and despair. I will always be the one after ‘the one’ forced to play the role of second best. I feel deprived of his heart and understanding, does he not know how much I adore him? I smell his ex-boyfriend’s cologne lingering in the air, as his dead carcass rots and decays into the blood stained carpet I weep on.
I hate people, society and every single guy or date he has ever been on. Is this obsession or is the love I have for him too much to comprehend? They say true love devours you and I should know, as I kill him with kindness with my hopeless romanticism.
My love holds no boundaries, my affection knows no limits, as I wipe away his blood stains from the corner of my lips, I taste the rotten flesh my boyfriend once used to kiss.